it hurts when you know you've done a mistake and it makes you look so stupid, that u just want to cry and shout. and just tell the world to fuck off!!!!

geez sorry for not posting for a long time im out of job again hay such a hardship, sometimes i feel depressed by it UNEMPLOYED me huhuhuhuhu

now i end up in a work somewhat in my line of profession in medical, its not the job my degree tells me to get but there are no jobs oppurtunity for nurses here in the philippines sometimes you need a backer just to get in a hospital and then if i will work abroad i need experience, but since no one's givivng me opportunity to be nurse working abroad is out of the question hay

anyway, im trying to read some fics and it really sucks to find some fics/stories are locked i need to friend them at all, i just want to ask why are there some people who'll locked their stories why are the only priviledge are allowed to read them geez that sucks for me i guess, i only need to write to the writer so i can be friended why do we need to do all those just to read their stories. I just want to know their opinions because why would they write something if not all can read and also those who erase all their fics in a fandom so it can never be read what the hell did they do that? im just wandering.

i guess im cranky from my training and when i browse i can seem to access some journals hay.

im pissed, depressed and hot a hedache

i hope some or amaybe all writers will post their stories publicly what the use of writing it if only some can read it

last year been so rough with me its my own fault anyway hehehe i guess i got lost and i dont know which way to get me back on track, a friend of mine invited me to go with her on their church, she's a Christian and Im a catholic, and im open minded when it come on those things, and i like to know how it work in their religion, i kinda like it and helps me to see the right path again :D i guess i need to be reminded that God is just always beside me when im going all those hardships, i should have listen carefully, its just me being stubborn doing this the way i want it. I know God wants me to live the life i want its just i should not forget the do's and don'ts hehehe. Im thankful with my frind showing me how to have a relationship with God. One thing I learn its not about what religion you have its about your relationship with God that matters.

At the beggining of this year i reakize my mistakes and ask for God's full forgiveness and I guess i also need to forgive myself for such many guilts, regrets and losong myself in the process. A friend ask me if i want to join their fasting, 7 day fasting, in my religion (roman catholic) we have fasting at the beginning of Ash Wednesday up to Ressurection so its 40 days to some and to others, we fast every fridays' by not eating meat. I guess it weirded me out and beginning to ask myself is this what i want to be with their religion, at first i thought im just making a reason not to fast *wink*, anyway my dear sister told me if your having doubts or somesorts you have to ask your self what is it that you want not just going with the flow, i said anywa what the heck i'll try it if i can and i'll join the prayer meeting, and its not easy to fast i tell you when you do it suddenly hehehe bad iza bad :D anyway with the prayer meeting i begin to reconnect with God and also we pray for the youth. At this point they told how the youth now are in the wrong path which i agree, with the drugs and many more, its just when they said that there are also a lot of homosexual in this generation thats that part i felt my ears are ringing from different emotions im feeling. I begin to ask the their religion telling that the  youths are also in a bad shape because of homosexual, geez thats the last time i go there. A friend of mine also told me that they are not so open with homosexual what the hell, God taught us to love one another not to hate and judge other because they are gays geez i really hate it when i heard that. i have a friend who are gays and lesbians, i KNOW GOD created them just the way they are thay are perfect in God's eyes, I remember God created us in his image and likeness and God don't makes mistakes so homosexuals are not MISTAKES God don't make mistakes.

hay i dont know what to say anymore what a way to start a year hehehe, anyway Im still thankful for their guidance but i think its time for me to go back to my own church, Just have faith in HIM and follow HIS words and Teachings i think God will be happy with us regardless of your religion. just trust In HIM :D

until next time
yzzah!

wah!!!!!!!!!!! sorry for the late post here got work and family gathering anyway

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

OK THE FIRST GREETINGS IS LATE BUT AT LEAST MY NEW YEAR GREETINGS IS ADVANCE HEHEHE

WISH ALL OF THE LIVEJOURNAL USERS ESPECIALLY MY FRIENDS HERE, HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

YZZAH!!!

been a long time since i wrote somthing here anyway ill update tonight :D

i just fixed my dsl tonight YIPEE!!! half of our house is nearly finished another yipee anyway i just watched brokeback mountain i think last weekend, just that movie make me wanna cry but i cant since a lot of people are watching in our house that time i really wanted to rent this movie even before im just afraid my father gonna be mad if im watchin a "gay movie" i have a feeling he's kinda homophobe so i feel sorry for my brothers hehehe i just have a feeling one or two of them are gay i guess dhaxeeh also know hehehehe anyway  back to the movie, it was so beautiful, tragically beautiful i really want to cry when heath went to jake parents and his father knowing bout the mountain and all especially when he saw jake hid his missing jacket WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH huhuhuhu i have no idea wat i look like when i saw that its so huhuhuhu this is way better than titanic i dont care if someone haes me for this but i love this one no wonder it got oscars! one of my favorite and now im gonna buy a DVD hehehe

hey everyone been long time since i wrote something here, our house is being renovated so imagined all our things here covered in dust since we still live in the half part of the house. the plan is to renovate the first half then the second half. i think my rhinitis is acting up again, i got cold now and mosquito bites huhuhu, its like were living outside the house since the windows are open. anyway i will stop bitching about the renovation.

I just finished reading dhaxeeh's draft of Masquarade and all i can say is people you need to wait a little more coz she needs to rewrite a lot of things hehehe. told her, she wrote a vampire fic and people expect to see some blood sucking!!!! so i told her my outline and she likes it now more vapirish now hehehe can't believe she loves Interview with a vampire and she cant try to think like a vampire. i think thats one of her fantasy to be a vampire living for eternity with brad pitt LOL she's gonna kill me whe she read this. anyway she hope you will be more patient i guess it will be 12 chapters now instead of 11. lets see if i can convince her with some vampire sex, LOL

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snagged from dhaxeeh